Christmas Day

We had the most wonderful Christmas Day. I, of course, went totally overboard with presents. But it was so worth it to see the look on Chloe's face in the morning. She loved her presents and I really enjoyed seeing her play with them. I didn't wrap her presents this year as, firstly, she would struggle to unwrap them, and secondly, I am teaching her not to rip the pages in books. So to tell her to rip paper would confuse her.
Neil came and spent an hour with Chloe in the morning and then he left and we had lunch. Every year we have an elderly lady called Pat for Christmas Dinner. Pat is well into her 80's and used to live across the road from us with her husband, Les. Then about 5 years ago Les died and, as they have no children, we invited her to dine with us. And she has been coming every year since then.

So we had a good feed and then Pete's girlfriend Amanda came round with her Mommy. Amanda's Daddy died a couple of months ago and so this was their first Christmas without him and I think they found it very difficult. So it was good for them to get out of the house and round to see us.

Well this is quite a short post but I've put up some pictures.
Lisa xx

Visiting Santa

Tonight Neil and I took Chloe to see Santa. This was her first ever Santa visit and we both wanted to be there, so decided to put aside our differences for an hour to take Chloe together. We went to Santa's Enchanted forest trail at Donegore Garden Centre - it was fabulous (we went after dark to get the full effect). I'll walk you through the whole thing.

Basically when we got there we waited beside some live reindeer for Santa's Elf to come and get you. While we were waiting another elf came and stuck a sticker with Chloe's name and age on it - we figured out it was so that Santa knew the names and ages of the kids, lol.

When the elf called us we were taken into a big tent where they served mulled wine and cookies. Then Santa's 'helper' 'Barney the dinosaur' came to show us the way to the forest. So we were ushered out of the tent and into the forest. It was a sight to behold! Fir trees everywhere, covered in fairy lights from top to bottom. It is all arranged in a trail so you wind in and out of these trees and there are other lit up things like lifesize snowmen, etc. You pass donkeys and pigs and geese and ducks throughout the trail. There are elves giving out toasted marshmallows. Then you get to a 'junction' where another elf directs you down a specfic path (I presume because there is a number of Santa's). We only had a short wait and we went into the log cabin to see him.

This Santa was very good - he actually looked like a proper Santa Claus. Chloe was totally fascinated by him. She didn't cry, but just couldn't stop staring at him. He was very nice and gave Chloe a lovely book, some sunflower seeds to plant and an apple.

After you walk out of the cabin you go down another trail a bit and they are handing out sausages done on an open fire. And there were more animals and a Merry-go-round. Chloe went on the carousel (I sat beside her holding her). Then on your way out you see lambs and a tiny Shetland pony.

It really was an absolutely magical experience - and to complete the perfection it started to snow as we were walking out. It really did take me back to childhood I cannot wait to take Chloe there for years to come - especially when she will appreciate it. I videoed most of it and will upload one later.

Happy 1st Birthday Chloe!!!!!!!!!!

Well my little darling Chloe, you are one year old now. I can remember our first night together after you were born. I was very groggy but a nurse helped me latch you on and you slept in my bed all night and nursed. I couldn't believe I'd finally got my girl.

You have grown so much since then. That helpless little baby has been replaced by a burly toddler. I can't believe how fast this year has gone, but also how much has changed since that first night with you. But I wouldn't change it for a second. Every hardship I have faced has been lightened by your smile. You bring such joy to everyone around you. You are a total delight to be around and I couldn't have asked for a better daughter.
Here are some of the things you do at this age:

You're still breastfeeding on demand, although this has greatly reduced. When you feed you either try to perform acrobatics or you lie still and just stroke my arm. It's really loving and sweet. You still have only 8 teeth but another 6 are about to burst through.You are going through a very fussy eating stage at the minute and it's tough to persuade you to eat solids at times. You will happily try anything but then you get bored and shake your head to indicate you don't want any more. Your favourite foods are pesto, olives and parma ham. Really salty and unhealthy for a baby, but shows you have good taste. You always offer me your food.

You are much more vocal now, happily babbling to yourself. You love to pretend to be on the telephone, holding it to your ear and saying 'Hiya' repeatedly into it. You lift your teddies and dolls, rock them back and forth saying 'Aww aww' presumably because I do that to you when you're upset. You always have a toy in your mouth, usually a Little People person or animal. I don't know why, you just play happily with it in your mouth. I wonder if you're copying Missi(our dog). You love to put things into a bag and take them out again. So you love the 'my first purse' that I bought you for your birthday.

You point at EVERYTHING and ask 'utts dat?' (what's that?). You're so curious about the world. I can see you noseying at everything with an inquisitive look on your face. You miss nothing. You love to point at the cat and say 'Cat' really loudly. You can point to a nose, eyes, mouth, feet and hands in a picture. It's amazing how much you know. You can also say hiya, bye, nana, papa, dada, mama, baba (for boobie), missi (which comes out like 'Issth') and yuck. You wave hello and goodbye unprompted now.

You love to dance and sing. You sing along to music all the time (albeit to your own tune). You like to push things along (your pram/footstool/trike). You are learning to run at the minute so you keep tripping over your feet and getting a bump on the head. Although thankfully we haven't had any dreadful bruises yet.

You LOVE books and will happily sit and look through them yourself. Then if you want me to read them you bring them over and set them on my knee. This is such a wonderful quality. I am so pleased you like books. You always share toys. You like to give me and others toys to hold. You have just learnt to throw a ball (albeit only a foot or so to me) and then I throw it back to you. You love that.

You like to pick pretend/invisible things off the floor and hand them to me. Then I have to hand them back. You have just learnt how to rock on your snail rocker. You can now climb onto the bed and sofa yourself. You love to sit in the dog/cats bed for some reason. You also like to find a wee nook and sit in it, like the alcove beside fireplace or under the coffee table.

You keep trying to dress yourself. For instance you will get a pair of tights and open the waist and then try to get them over your foot (unsuccessfully). Or you will get a sock and set it on your foot to see if it magically goes on. You try to pull tops over your head, but end up wearing them like a scarf. It's the sweetest thing, and shows how much you are maturing.

You squat to do a wee. I discovered this when I noticed every so often you would just squat down for a min then get back up and carry on. So one day while you were doing this I stuck my little finger into your nappy and sure enough you were doing a pee. I couldn't believe it. You also will bring a clean nappy over to me when you have a poopy nappy.

You try to wipe your own bottom with a baby wipe if I give one to you. You are totally obsessed with belly buttons. You stick your finger in mine asking 'utts dat?' You can point to it when I'm dressed if I ask you where it is. I recently showed you your belly button and you now keep poking your finger into it.

What surprises me most about you is how independent and secure you are. For instance you are not remotely bothered by the dark or being on your own. You will happily walk from our sitting room into the lounge (no lights on) and get a toy. It's wonderful that you will do this. You happily play with Lucy (your little friend) alongside you but you just as happily play alone while I am watching TV. It seems as long as you know I am about you are happy enough, and you can regularly get cuddles.

You are a very content little girl, you have such a gentle, caring nature and like to cuddle on my knee just watching TV sometimes. You truely have completed my life and I can't wait to live the rest of it with you. You are a dream child and you really will never, ever know just how much of a miracle you were. It was like God answered every single little bit of my prayers when he blessed me with you.

Happy Birthday little one. I wish you many, many more happy birthdays in your life. You deserve them.

Love always,

Momma xxx

Chloe's 1st birthday party.

Today we had Chloe's official birthday party, even though her birthday's not until Tuesday. We just had it here at the house and it was just the family. My parents, my brother & his girlfriend Amanda, my grandparents, Neil and Neil's parents. And Chloe and I of course.
I put up balloons everywhere and birthday banners. I had a gorgeous cake made for her. It was white with green decorations and a ladybird sitting on some 'grass' at the top. Really lovely little girl's birthday cake. We had pies, salad, various breads, olives, and cocktail sausages. Then for dessert there was strawberry roulade and mince pies with brandy cream. And the cake to finish.

Chloe had a wonderful time - she knew the day was for her and you could see her delighting in everyones attention. I put a gorgeous satin party dress on her and it has little sequins and a design stitched over it. She looked so cute.
She got some brilliant gifts. I'll try to remember them all but I'm sure I will leave some out. I got Chloe the Baby Einstein DVD box set and a Fisher Price My First Learning purse. Neil's parents bought her a hand-made wooden trike and trailer. The type she can sit on and scoot about in - and tow your teddies (or the dog, lol) along behind you. Neil bought her the Little People farm (you can see in the top photo she climbed into the box it came in) and some clothes. My mom and dad bought her the VTech Alphabet Train Station (by far her favourite toy). My grandparents bought her some clothes and a book. My brother and Amanda bought her a lovely skirt and top set. My Aunt Heather bought her two fabulous word books. The kind with lots of pictures of various everyday items on each page and the word written beside it. This is excellent as she constantly asks 'whats that?'. So already she has been looking through it and asking. Neil's Great-Aunt Amy gave her money and his Aunt Roberta bought her a toy telephone and a Little People car. The car is the cutest. It's obviously based on a people carrier and has a mommy in the front and a baby in the back seat. When you push the car along with the mommy in it it plays music and the mommy turns from side to side - very cool. But the thing that cracked me up most about it was that in the boot of the car there is actually a pram that you can lift out and set the baby into. How cool is that? We pretend that all these toy's are for our kids, but seriously, admit it, you love playing with them as well! (or is that just me?)

Her wee face was a picture when we brought the birthday cake in to her while singing happy birthday. She is so happy. You can see it in her wee face, and her smile is priceless.

It was a little uncomfortable having Neil and his family there and trying to play happy families for the sake of Chloe, but all in all a very happy day with lot's of wonderful memories to look back on. Happy Birthday chick!! xx

The Ark Open Farm

Today I took Chloe to the Ark open farm for Chloe's 1st birthday. My best friend Claire-Louise came with us and brought her daughter Lucy. Lucy is 16 months old and she and Chloe love each other. As tomorrow we are having a family party I thought it would be nice for us to go somewhere today with our friends.

We had a wonderful time. I am a total animal lover and if I could afford it I would buy a farm. So I had a blast feeding the animals. We saw reindeer, cows, calves, horses, sheep, alpacas, goats, chicks and chickens, pigs and probably a few I've forgotten. I of course, being an avid horse lover, made a beeline straight for the HUGE cob who was stabled due to a leg injury. He was so lovely, a very gentle nature. Chloe also really enjoyed him and was happy with him nuzzling her head and petting him.

It's funny how kids pick up on their parents emotions. I was obviously comfortable around all the animals, feeding them, stroking them, talking to them etc, and encouraging Chloe to do the same, and Chloe was very happy doing so, and roared with laughter when the Alpacas where eating out of my hand, and then one stole the food container. But my friend Claire-Louise just stood back and wouldn't touch anything, clearly uncomfortable touching them. Her daughter Lucy then screamed anytime she got too close to the animals. So hopefully Chloe will end up without a fear of any animals.

But we really did have a wonderful day. We had lunch in the coffee house at the farm and it was lovely. Claire-Louise and Lucy bought Chloe a xylophone for her birthday which is great as Chloe really loves them. Then we came back to mine for coffee and then I dropped them home as I was gong out to my Scoobyireland Christmas do in Belfast this evening (which turned out to be rubbish).

So all in all an excellent first birthday.

Love you Chloe, xx

Christmas

Well the run up to Christmas this year has been a new experience for me. Usually I'm not that excited about Christmas, I tend not to buy too many gifts for people and generally it's a rather subdued affair - trying to keep it about Jesus rather than commercialism. Last year I was recovering from giving birth and Christmas may as well have been deleted off the calender for us. We were so wrapped up in having Chloe and new parenthood. Indeed, observe the absolute exhaustion on my face in the below picture. That was taken on Christmas day last year.

But this year things couldn't be more different. I have gone totally crazy buying presents for Chloe and I have enjoyed myself so much it is unreal. I spent days and days wandering around toy shops getting ideas what to buy and I had a whale of a time actually buying the stuff. I find shopping for adults so stressful, but shopping for kids is officially THE BEST FUN EVER. I have spent a total fortune and I know I'm mad and that Chloe is far too young to need so many presents, but it's done me the world of good as it's really cheered me up. I did get a bit bummed out walking round the toy shop as it was all mom's and dad's and I was on my own. Well, I had Chloe with me but she is still too young to realise what's going on. But in general I had a great time choosing her gifts.

Chloe's birthday is also so close to Christmas that her Birthday and Christmas gifts seem to be merging into one another. I have only bought her the 'Baby Einstein' DVD Box set for her birthday as well as a Learning Purse. Which doesn't sound very much at all, but when you look at the amount of Christmas presents she has it's scary and I really don't think she needs any more. I guess some of the vast number of Christmas presents could be given to her on her birthday, but I know she will be totally overwhelmed on Christmas day. So on her birthday it will be nice for her to get use from her gifts, rather than having so many she doesn't know what to play with.

My parents have got her a train set (the baby kind) and Neil's mom has got her a wooden trike and trailer. And I know the rest of the family will get her toys as well. So I figure she has enough to do her.

I have all my Christmas shopping for everyone else doe. I got the last two gifts today. I only have to get for my parents, grandparents, Bro and his girlfriend, Neil's mom and Dad (from Chloe), and my friend Claire and her wee one Lucy. So all in all not too many to buy for. But boy is it hard to know what to get. I won't mention the gifts here as I know a couple of family members occasionally come on here.

I am so glad it is all done and all I have to do now is relax.

Happy Holidays everyone and God Bless :-)

Friends

Throughout life nearly all my friends have been male. I guess this is because I was into cars and girls just aren't. And even my best friends who I have loved so much (in a non-romantic way) have been guys. This was fine until I had Chloe. Turns out guys just aren't that into babies. Sure they look at them, say they're gorgeous (like their mom lol<<< I wish>>>), but then they go back to talking about cars, when all you want is to discuss your baby.

So after Neil and I split up I put a post on netmums for some company to go to moms and tots with. I got a couple of replies but one in particular was from a girl called Claire-Louise who lives in my town. She has a 16 month old little girl called Lucy. We met up at a moms and tots and got on really well.

I am so so glad I have met her. She is such a lovely person and a wonderful friend. For instance I was feeling a bit down in the dumps the other day, and she brought me chocolates round to cheer me up. Now a guy would never do that, lol. But it's great to have someone to discuss babies with and to talk about the hardships of relationships with. I've had some wonderful male friends who I could discuss that stuff with, but it's just not the same as with a girl.

And Chloe now has a baby friend that she can grow up with too. Thank God for friends!!!!

Walking and running

It's been two weeks since Chloe started walking properly and now she walks everywhere and has started to try to run (albeit rather unsuccessfully). I can't believe how much she has grown in the past two weeks. It is like someone replaced my little baby girl with a big toddler.

She is saying more words now and walking about babbling to herself. She picks up things and puts them to her ear to pretend to be on the phone - she's been doing that a while. And today, for the first time, she picked up a cuddly toy and hugged it while rocking back and forth and saying 'awww aww'. Presumably copying me as I do that to her when she gets hurt.

It is just like this little person has emerged. I love love LOVE her. I so enjoy her company. She is the absolute light of my life. I can't believe she's going to be a big one year old in 2 weeks time. It seems like only yesterday that I found out I was having her.

So I will share some photographs of my beautiful TODDLER.

Chloe walking

Chloe has been toddling for the past few weeks now but yesterday and today she has been trying to walk everywhere. She is still unsteady and so falls down a bit but she stands straight back up and continues on her way. It's like she has finally discovered that she can walk on her own. I got a couple of videos of her doing it but none of them are that great. Every time I videos her she stumbled, and then when I put it down she was walking without falling at all. Typical. So here's

wee video of her walking.

11 months today

Happy 11 month birthday my lovely little girl. I can't believe you've been with me for almost a whole year now. This time last year I was counting down those last few days until you were born. I was so excited - buying all the bits and pieces we would need for your arrival. I remember when we collected the pushchair and the crib (which ended up being used only once). We set both of them up in the lounge and I put a teddy in the crib all tucked up - imagining how that was soon going to be you. Then your Daddy put the hat we bought you onto the teddy, lol. Oh I was so excited. Wondering if you were going to be a Christmas baby as your due date was December 22nd. I remember wandering around Mothercare just gazing at the clothes, picking what I was going to dress you in when you arrived. Chloe you will never know or understand just how wanted you were. It's such a cliche but you really were a dream come true for me and you have made my life so wonderful. I couldn't live it without you. I know I am just a guardian for your wee soul that God has given me, but I am forever thankful that He did.

Love you more than life itself.

Mommy xx

Life

I read this at the blog 2-moms and I found it quite inspiring and I could relate to it.

What I Have Lived For
(The Prologue to Bertrand Russell's Autobiography)

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.

I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness--that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what--at last--I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.

Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate this evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.

This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

---

Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) won the Nobel prize for literature for his History of Western Philosophy and was the co-author of Principia Mathematica.

Memories

Being a lone mommy can be hard sometimes. Chloe had a hospital appointment today to get her hips x-rayed. I have dislocated hips and when Chloe was 6 weeks old an ultrasound showed a slight 'immaturity' in her left hip. Luckily it seems to be very slight now and I'm hoping she won't need any treatment, but we have to see what the consultant says.

The appointment was at Antrim Area Hospital, where I gave birth. And the last time I was there was giving birth to Chloe. Neil didn't come to Chloe's appointment as he said he was too busy, and going there on my own brought back a lot of memories.

I was told I would never be able to have kids and so finding out I was pregnant was the most amazing surprise in the whole world. My many, many prayers had been answered.

I remember going there with Neil for our first scan at 6 weeks and being so full of excitement and wonder that I was pregnant. I had so many dreams, but I was so scared something would go wrong, and seeing that tiny little bean's heart beating on the scanner was the most amazing feeling in the world.

I remember our 12 week scan, with Neil by my side. Chloe waved her arms about as if she was saying, 'hiya mommy and daddy'. Most people start to relax at their 12 week scan but I was still so scared something would go wrong. I just couldn't believe my dream of motherhood was going to come true.

I remember going there on my own for regular ante-natal check ups and sitting in the waiting room watching all the other women going through this journey with me. Some like me, were at the start of their journey, and some were nearly ready to have their baby. I remember at the start thinking that it seemed like a lifetime before I would hold my baby in my arms. I felt so jealous of those ladies ready to pop. I used to sit in the waiting room and allow myself to daydream about what it would be like to have my baby. To finally hold him/her(I didn't know the sex yet) in my arms. Oh the dreams I had about parenthood, us being a family.

I remember our 3D private scan where they told us we were having a little girl. I burst into tears. My dream came true. I couldn't believe God was so generous to give me, not only a baby, but a baby daughter. And I was so very scared that it would all be taken away from me. Surely in real life dreams don't come true.

I remember sitting in the waiting room near the end of my journey watching all the newly pregnant women coming in and knowing that they would be looking at me and thinking they wished they were at my stage, about to have their baby, and feeling like it would be forever before they finally got to that stage. And I remember wanting to say to them that I remembered the start of the journey too and that the time absolutely flew by.

I remember being at the hospital when I was 38 weeks pregnant and the doctor telling me that I was going to have my baby on the 15/12. I was so excited. So very ready to go on to this next stage of the journey of motherhood. I rushed out and phoned Neil (he was at work) and told him that Chloe was going to be here in a weeks time.

I remember coming to the hospital on the 14th December with all our baby stuff and as I walked in the doors being so very aware that when I walked out of them I would be holding my baby in my arms instead of in my belly. And I was so excited.

I remember pacing the corridors waiting to be giving the induction pessary.

I remember Neil giving me a kiss and promising to be back as soon as I was in labour.

I remember when labour started in earnest and I remember phoning Neil to tell him to get back asap.

I remember holding Chloe in my arms just moments after her birth - I had my girl.

I remember breastfeeding Chloe for the first time and it just being so normal.

I remember walking back through those doors thinking, 'Now my life is complete'.

And today I walked out those same doors and burst into tears. The crushing awareness that the last time I walked through them we were a family, now I was on my own with Chloe. I wouldn't change my journey for a second. I am so glad I have Chloe, she is the light of my life. But I am now so acutely aware that I have only myself to rely on.

It's funny how so much of my life and emotions are wrapped up in that hospital. One building. It feels like half my life is in those walls.

My IQ Test Result

I took an online IQ test and this was the result. The result was the same as one I had done officially a few years ago so I'm pleased I haven't lost any points since having Chloe. 'Nappy Brain' appears to be a myth after all! LOL

10 month update

Dear Chloe,

Well Chloe you are now ten months old. I can't believe you are growing up so fast. It seems like only yesterday I was trailing round Mothercare daydreaming about what I would buy when you arrived. I remember the midwife handing you to me after you came out of the incubator and you snuggling down beside me and breastfeeding for the first time. I remember having trouble bonding with you for those first few weeks because your birth was so traumatic. And I remember the moment, at about 1am, when you looked up at me and smiled for the first time and I realised I loved you more than I could ever have imagined and more than words could ever describe. I love you so much darling Chloe and I'm so thankful that you are my daughter. Check out the most gorgeous cheesy grin in the picture below:

Here are a few things about you at ten months. You still breastfeed on demand but you rarely do it during the day now, just in the mornings and evenings. You're a very good eater generally and you love baby pesto and pasta. You also love yoghurt and breadsticks. You still only have 8 teeth though. You haven't had any new teeth for a couple of months now but you are starting to chew again and I think some more are coming through at the back.

You can crawl as fast as I can jog, lol. You love to climb the stairs and you have learnt to climb off the sofa, bed and stairs feet first instead of lunging head first. You wave hello and bye bye. You love to clap your hands for everyone. You are learning to point to your head when we ask, 'Where's Chloe's head?', and fingers and so on. You can cruise easily while holding on to furniture, and you can walk with your first steps pram. You point at all the things that excite you and I tell you about them. You give slobbery kisses when we ask for them. They are the most wonderful kisses in the world.

You absolutely love our miniature Jack Russell, Missi, and the cat, Toby. You get so excited when they come near you. Missi loves you as well and she's so good with you and so tolerant. She licks your feet to make you laugh and she guards you whenever strangers are in the house.

You like to look at books on your own now. You especially love the 'F is for Farm' book that your Great-Granny Wickens brought home from America for you. It's a brilliant book with different textures to feel, flaps to open and moving parts. You also love playing with you Little People playhouse. You've learnt to press the different noise buttons. However, no matter how many toys you have you seem to always want to play with either the TV remote control or my phone :-).

You wear pull-up nappies now because you wouldn't stay still long enough for me to put on regular one's. You're all go all the time. Your hair is starting to grow - you can see it thickening up. Lovely, tiny tiny curls are starting at the back. You're a very adventurous baby and you tend to try something and if you don't succeed, or you fall, you get straight back up and do it again. That is a wonderful character trait - to have a bold, try anything spirit. I'm so pleased you've got that.

You like to see how you can experiment with different body positions. For instance you will be breastfeeding and you'll try to stand on your head and feet without using your arms. All this whilst remaining attached to me having a feed. I probably shouldn't let you do that but I love seeing you learn what you are capable of doing with your body. You have all these new abilities that you are refining at the minute and I don't want to hamper your efforts in any way. Those first few steps you took with your baby walker; your face was so proud. You marched about utterly delighted at yourself, you were so chuffed at your abilities. And I could have burst with pride. Seeing you walk about with your tongue sticking out, the way you do when you are concentrating. Priceless moments, no money could ever buy.

I love you so, so much baby Chloe. (It won't be long now until I have to drop the baby bit).

Mommy

xx

First pair of shoes

Well, as Chloe started trying to walk properly I decided to get her a pair of 'big girl' shoes. Plus it is getting really cold outside and she need's something on her feet. Up until now I had been just wearing Daisy Roots soft shoes on her. They are basically just soft leather booties which are gorgeous but keep her feet warm and afford a bit of protection should she want to cruise about.

But the problem recently has been that she is between sizes. They go 0-6m, 6-12m, 12-18m and so on. The 6-12m one's are too tight now but the 12-18m one's are like clown shoes on her. So proper measured shoes it had to be.

I went with my mom to a shop called Shoebdoo which is a fabulous kids shoe shop in my local town. They do the most gorgeous shoes for all ages of children. We went with a pair of lovely fur

lined 'Startrite booties. The girl measured her feet and said she's a size 3.5G - quite wide - and we are to bring her back in 6-8 weeks to have her remeasured. They really are gorgeous. The picture's are taken on my phone and so aren't great.

Chloe's first steps with walker

Well on Thursday (15th) Chloe was having a bath when she stood up. She didn't pull herself up like she usually does, she just stood up on her own and stayed up for a while. I couldn't believe it. So when she was out and dried I gave her the first steps pram we have to see what she would do with it. She pulled herself up and then was off, marching about the house thoroughly pleased with herself. It's like someone just suddenly flicked a switch so that she could walk. She even keeps trying to take steps on her own without the walker.

It's amazing, I am so proud of her. I know every baby does this but when it's your baby doing it you're so chuffed. And you could see that Chloe was really pleased with herself. She had been cruising about the furniture for a while but didn't have any remote interest in using the pram walkie. And now she's doing it. On her ten month birthday as well!

Where did my little baby go? The little scrunched up, red baby that came out of my belly? I don't know what happened, lol. It feels like her life is flashing in front of my eye's. She is just growing up too fast.

Now she's a toddler, eek!

New phone

My new phone arrived today and I love it. This may seem like a pointless post but I'll share a little bit about why this is such a big thing. I'm not one of those people who needs to have all the latest technology. Sure, I'd like to have it, but I don't worry that I don't. Indeed, I bought my last mobile second hand because, at the time, I just couldn't justify buying myself a new one. It was/is a Nokia something or other and was quite a good wee phone with a decent camera. It was pay as you go.

Fast forward a year (and a baby) later and my good old Nokia is now a broken mess due to the fact that Chloe regularly uses it as a teether(when I'm not looking). It's slowly been breaking for a while but in typical me fashion I ignored it and hoped that the phone fairies would fix it. First the cover came a bit loose (it's the metal covered one), but that was ok cause it didn't really affect the function of the phone. Gradually it got looser and looser until the whole front came apart at the top. This enabled the plastic screen to fall out. Even at that point I was ignoring the broken-ness of it all, lol. Then the cover under the external cover started to crack(the one that protects the internals). I still ignored it. It must have been annoyed at my lack of empathy because it started to switch itself off and on while I was making phone calls. I ignored it some more but then it cut me off in the middle of a very important call and I decided I actually didn't like the phone anymore.

So I went online for a look to see what new phone I would like and I realised I could get a contract for £15 a month which gave me more than enough minutes and unlimited text messages. Plus I could get a free phone. So I ordered one and it arrived this morning. It's a Samsung S5200 and I love it.

I didn't realise how much I hated my last phone and how useless it had become. This new one has an MP3 player and stuff in it. Not that I'll actually use it but it sounds cool to have. It's got a good camera which I like because I take a lot of pictures of Chloe when I'm out and about. I always have my phone with me whereas I might forget my proper camera from time to time so it's good to have.

So I have spent tonight (once Chloe finally fell asleep) playing with my new phone. Oh, how sad am I? :-)

Chloe

Fascinated by the garden lights
So tiny in such a big garden
Sleeping in 'Poppy's' arms
Having a bath in the sink.

Fisher Price

I believe in giving praise where praise is due. My mom had bought Chloe a Fisher Price bath toy a couple of months ago. They toy was aged 6mth+ so she was in the right age group. This toy was to be played with in the bath and part of it was a plastic ball, which was two different colored semi-sphere's stuck together with a little plastic star inside it.

I had Chloe in the bath playing with the toy and as I turned round to get the shampoo I heard her start to cough. After a few seconds I realised she was choking but I couldn't for the life of me think what on. I looked in her mouth and could see the edge of the little plastic star just at the back of her mouth. Very luckily I was able to grab it and pull it out. After getting Chloe calmed down, as she was very upset at this stage, I looked for the ball that was supposed to encapsulate the star and I found the two halves of it. It had broken in two and she had nearly choked on the star inside. Obviously this wasn't meant to be able to break.

So first thing the following morning I posted the broken toy back to Fisher Price/Mattel along with a very strongly worded letter of complaint, after all, my daughter could have died because of this. I expected to get a letter of apology back and a refund for the toy, which cost a fiver, lol.

A couple of weeks passed and I received a letter apologising and inviting me to phone to discuss how the toy broke etc. So I phoned up expecting that they were about to tell me it was somehow my fault that it had broken, but the girl I spoke to seemed genuinely concerned and said as a mark of apology they would like to give Chloe a Little People's House. I was delighted with this as I had considered getting her one myself.

Apparently the item hadn't been glued together properly allowing water to seep in and basically dissolve the little glue there was and that was why it broke in half.

This is the toy they sent Chloe. She absolutely adores it. There are various buttons to press throughout the house which make different sounds (i.e. doorbell, bath, washing machine). Chloe's just at the age now where things like that really capture her attention.

Birthday

Well it was my birthday on September 22nd but with everything going on I didn't get a chance to put it on here.

Mum and Dad got me a laptop, a Dell Inspirion, which I desperately needed as the screen had gone in my old one and I was having to connect it to a free standing monitor. So not exactly an ideal situation.

Chloe got me a Thornton's personalised car. It's astonishing that at her age she was able to order and pay for it herself as well as sign her card to me. :-)

My bro and his girlfriend go me a box of chocolates and a gorgeous La Senza nightshirt. Neil and his mom and dad got me Next vouchers and from my grandparents I got money.

So all in all I had a good birthday. Oh and of course I got a big slobbery kiss from Chloe. The picture of her at the top was taken on my birthday and I love the way you can see all her wee teeth in it.

McRae Memorial Convoy

As I drive a Subaru Impreza I belong to an owners club called Scoobyireland. In memory of Colin McRae's tragic death alongside that of his son and two other's, we do a Subaru convoy around Northern Ireland. I took Chloe along to this.

Had a fantastic day and over 100 Subaru's showed up for this event. As we drove through little villages people came out of their houses and stood by the side of the road, some were even clapping. It's a good tribute to a man who was the ultimate Scooby driver. And it's a sobering reminder of him and his little son, as well as his friend and another child who died in a helicopter crash on 16/09/07.

First picture below is my car, JDM Subaru Impreza STi.

In memory of Colin McRae (39), son Johnny McRae (5), Graeme Duncan (37)

and Ben Portcelli (6).

Break from blogging

I haven't posted in quite a while as there have been a lot of things going on in my life recently. Well, Neil and I split up a while back but I couldn't bring myself to post it up. Then I guess over the past couple of weeks I've kind of hit a brick wall. So I've been finding it quite difficult and I'm just trusting in God that this is all part of his plan for my life.

It's amazing how overwhelming being a single parent is. Even though I did all the childcare anyway I could still say to Neil, 'you watch her for 2 mins while I go to the bathroom/make a cup of tea/have a shower'. But now I have to do everything with her and I don't get a break. It's very hard at times.

And then add on top of that I'm doing A-Levels at night and have to study as well, so I'm utterly exhausted all the time. But it's made me more determined to continue with my studies so that I can become a Doctor and provide for Chloe. I never want to be in a position that I have to rely on a man for money again.

Sorry for the depressing nature of this post but I'm feeling very sorry for myself at the minute, lol. But, as they say, the only way is up.

This is a picture of Chloe with my wee brother Peter

Conked out.

Just a quick picture of Chloe who was so exhausted by our shopping trip with Nana that she fell asleep on the sofa in a cafe we went into.

Great-Granny's house

The other day we were at my Grannys house. We were in the back sitting room instead of the front so this was a whole new room to explore. Chloe loved the patio doors and was fascinated by what was outside. And she decided to display her appreciation by giving them a big kiss. (You can see my Granda power-hosing the patio in the background)

She saw the TV on the cabinet and decided to try to get to it without Mommy telling her 'No'. The excitement.

'Yay, I reached it!'

Over to the sofa where Chloe has decided 'I want to get into Mommy's bag. I know there's loads of cool stuff in there.'And finally a good old game of peek-a-boo behind the curtain.